Never have that " felling" before

What felling that makes me fell sad ,depress and no mood to study ?
"Her" birthday on the day after tomorrow .
I planed to buy a birthday present for her ...
BUT
i had change my mind at 12.30 afternoon
What happen actually ?
Today me and 2 of my friends were choose for debate
She give them support but ..
She knew i got take part , unfortunately..
She never give me any support ..
This really hurt me a lot ....
BUT
I still cannot get rid of that ...
Her appearance has change me and my mind ...
As a result ,
I purposely act like i never debate before but actually i want my team to lost ....
because " she " never support me !!!!
She hope them to win , i make the different ...
And for sure that tomorrow those " human " will blame me ..
And for sure i will admit that is all my fault
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Why i can do this ?
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Maybe the piece of love is the opposite of hate ...
God bless